Thursday, June 23, 2011

The most fearsome creature

Do you know what the most terrifying creature on the earth is? The answer may surprise you. It is . . .


The beetle.

Our tale begins Conference weekend in April. On that Sunday, we made Porter and Dallin lay down for their resting time. Joe also fell asleep. As soon as he thought everyone else was asleep, Dallin snuck out to ride his bike on the dirt trail in the empty lot across the street from our house. I saw him go and, after a few minutes, decided to go collect him. I went out to look for him and couldn't see him. I got nervous and started hurrying over to try to find him. As I got closer, I saw him walking with some teenage girl and he was crying. I asked what happened and he was sobbing and she said that she thought he had fallen off of his bike. I started walking him home and, when he had settled down, asked him what had happened and if he was hurt. He sniffled and said that he was riding when he saw a poison beetle. He screamed for help but no one was there. He jumped off the bike and tried to run away because the beetle was trying to bite him and then Dallin bit his own arm to demonstrate. When the girl found him, he was hysterical and she couldn't understand that the beetle was trying to kill him.

We did not see the beetle again for several weeks. However, last week, Porter was riding his bike through the empty field when he came across a dead mouse. He came home to tell Dallin about it and mentioned that its feet were all gone. Porter didn't know what happened to its feet but Dallin almost immediately gasped and shouted, "the beetle!"

Everyone who lives nearby by, beware. There is a poisonous beetle living in the field, menacing people and animals alike.

Dallin's observations

On Mother's Day, Joe and boys got me a new grill. It was very nice and I am grateful for it. When I woke up, it was in the living room and Dallin shouted, "it's so you can burn hotdogs for us!" He also thought there were thunder and lightening buttons on it.

A couple of days ago, Dallin wanted to wear socks and shoes instead of flip flops. I was trying to talk him into wearing the flip flops because it would be faster. Dallin told me that he needed socks because his feet were "private." Then he listed the other "private" parts of his body. He finished up the whole conversation singing a song of his own invention which was apparently called "My private penis."

After Osama bin Laden was captured and killed, Dallin and Porter wanted to talk about it. Joe and I hadn't mentioned this particular event to them because (1) they had never heard of bin Laden as far as we knew, (2) it wasn't really relevant to their lives, and (3) it is hard to explain why it is okay to kill some people. However, they heard about it somewhere and were talking about this guy who was dead (who may or may not be President Obama). I set them straight on who he was and said that the army had killed him because he was wicked and had killed a lot of people and would keep killing people if he got the chance again. Dallin made a very astute observation after that. He said, "it is like wicked King Noah. He was naughty and killed Abinadi. Then they killed him. He wanted to still be naughty."

why Porter and Dallin can't take a normal picture

On Father's Day, I thought I would take a picture of Joe with the boys and the cards they made for him (they also got him shorts but we didn't take a picture of that). I can see now that my children can''t smile nicely for a picture because their dad can't either. Happy Father's Day Joe!


































the misadventures of Porter

It has been a kind of trying month for Porter.

First, about two weeks ago, I got the call that I always dread from daycare. Porter had been hurt. He had a pretty deep cut on his head and they were going to take him to the hospital. Luckily, Joe was already on his way to pick up the boys so he went and collected them both and took Porter to instacare. Because I was in Park City, I left immediately, but was still almost an hour away. The daycare people were frantic and I hadn't seen Porter, so I was really panicked. I told Joe to call me as soon as he got to the hospital, as soon as they saw Porter, etc. Joe, who had seen Porter and knew that he wouldn't die wasn't feeling as panicked and so didn't feel compelled to call me regular updates. I kept trying to tell myself that Joe would call if there was a problem but I couldn't stop myself from trying to call him every 30 seconds (because he turned off his phone at the instacare) and silently cursing him for not contacting me. When I did get to the instacare, Porter was done and had one staple in his head. Dallin thought it was pretty great. He got see the doctor give Porter a shot in the head, clean out the ouchie, and put the staple in. Also, he got a sucker and a sticker. It wasn't terrible for Porter either. It apparently didn't hurt too much and he got to go for ice cream afterward.

The next Thursday, I got my second most feared called. No one had picked Porter up from kindergarten. The worst part - Porter finishes school at 11:30 and no one called me until 1:00. The school claimed they were trying to reach me before but apparently they were using morse code or something and when that didn't work, then they called mine and Joe's cell phones. I was again in Park City (I'm sensing a trend) and couldn't go get him. Joe went and got him. The daycare said they had gone at the appointed time and Porter hadn't been there. Also, Dallin had told them I was home so they thought I must have taken Porter to get his staple out or something. Dallin, by the way, is not always the best source of information. He had also spent the day trying to convince daycare that he was sick and needed to go home. First, he said he was "sick in the head." When that didn't work, he said his stomach hurt. Finally, he said his feet were sick. Anyway, Porter handled the whole being-forgotten thing pretty well but I am still annoyed that it was an hour and half after he was supposed to be picked up that people finally realized that he was still at school.

Then, on Tuesday, Porter stuck his hand under the car to retrieve a lost soccer ball. The problem was that we had just gotten out of the car and it was still pretty hot underneath. He burned the tops of his fingers. Luckily they weren't terrible burns. Still, several hours after the event, after keeping his hand submerged in cold water the whole time and giving him advil, the burns still hurt pretty badly. I took him the instacare. One of his fingers was burned kind of badly so they put a bunch of creams on his fingers to help them feel better, stop infection, etc. and wrapped him.

Finally, today, Porter was riding his bike. He said he thought his helmet was loose so he tried to fix it while still riding. His handle bars turned on him or something and now he has several large scrapes across his chest. Also, we are now out of bandaids because of several smaller injuries he has inflicted on himself.

Monday, June 6, 2011

pictures

Day care photos, how I love thee. Each time I get pictures of my kids from daycare, I think they have reached a new low and the pictures can't get any worse. I am always wrong. This newest batch may be the best ever. Some of it is our fault. We didn't know that it was picture day and so the boys had each done their own hair in particularly bad styles and had dressed themselves in clashing clothes. The poses this time aren't as ridiculous as some in the past, but the facial expressions are good as Porter and Dallin have ever done. I know my children can sometimes smile strangely (Porter especially has a hard time effecting a natural looking smile). Therefore, I think the photographer hit upon a perfect solution. Don't you think? Really, Porter and Dallin could be models with range like that.











Wednesday, June 1, 2011

too funny

Okay, I know I haven't blogged in several months. I have vague plans to do some kind of catch up but it always seems like the longer I wait, the harder it will be. Anyway, despite my poor performance record, I had to share this. I was looking through Porter's school bag for homework, handouts, etc. and found this document. For those of you who don't read kindergarten phonetics, it says, "Here's the plan. We dig a hole. We put the worms in the hole." (I added puncuation too). At the bottom is a picture of Porter and his friends holding their worms. From left to right they are Jordan, James, Porter, Carson, and Gavin. Before I saw this picture, Porter told me about finding worms on the playground and putting them in a hole. It was apparently a very exciting event. I didn't know the worms were all part of a plan though. I stuck this on the fridge because it makes me laugh everytime I see it.