venting

Okay, so this is about me and not Porter and Dallin. I went to a women lawyers thing today where we discussed how women get ahead, etc. The topics are a little played out but still interesting to discuss.
Anyway, a number of women expressed frustration that male lawyers, etc. openly ask how women with children will be able to devote the necessary time to the practice, etc. Some questions are friendly and not intended to offend, they are simply asked for curiosity's sake or out of actual compassion for the mother/lawyer. Other questions/questioners are more malicious and intended to make the woman feel inadequate. These women then discussed how women lawyers can have it all, how you can still put in the necessary time and effort and still have children. Underlying all of this though was how it is necessary to have either a very supportive spouse or a good nanny or both.
Although I appreciate the strides that other women have made in this field and their efforts to strike a balance, I am still left feeling unsatisfied. I told a friend of mine, who was in charge of this event that I still feel like there isn't a place for women like me to excel in the legal profession. Someone who wants to work but doesn't want to sacrifice raising her children for a career. I feel like I benefit a great deal from working, learning, etc. but I would be happy to work part time. My friend said that my place is where I am. Sure I have found a job and, don't get me wrong it a good job and I often enjoy it, but it is not the career path I had planned for myself. I don't really have the opportunity to advance, I don't get the legal speciality that Iwould like (or any speciality for that matter), I don't make much money (which is not the most important thing to me, but still. . . ). The path that Iwould like to follow isn't an option for me because in private or even public practice it is still basically unheard of to only work 40 hours a week, much less work some of those hours at home. The few times I have decided to try to find a different job, I hit the same roadblocks, that I am not willing to work the schedule that would be required.
I am feeling a little lost right now. I feel like, even in trying to be a good mom, I am still short changing my kids and it is all for naught because I am also short changing my career. This is why I try not to hang out with other lawyers too much, it always starts me on this little spiral of negative thinking. I will try to remember that I everyone makes compromises and at least I don't feel like I have totally compromised the things that are important to me. Okay. Enough of this.

hodge podge

Porter and Dallin have decided that they love to miniature golf lately. Porter has played Wii golf and sort of knows how to use the club. Dallin had a unique little style of golfing all his own. He is really thrilled to get the ball in the hole though, even if someone else hits it in for him.

Porter showing off his new shoes and bike riding skills. Even with the training wheels, he can get around pretty well on the bike.

Dallin on his new bike. He makes us suit him up in all of that gear, knee pads, elbow pads, helmets, etc. to basically just sit still wherever someone puts him. Hopefully, peddle use won't elude him for much longer.

Porter and Dallin at temple square. Dallin especially has been wanting to go to the temple lately.

memorable

This is a picture that Porter drew of him and Uncle Isaac playing the Wii.

no end in sight

Even though Joe put the training wheels back on Porter's bike, he isn't happy about it. He never misses an opportunity to mention that Porter would ride better, be happier, etc. if his training wheels were off. He has been bringing Porter to the BMX track to watch practices as another way of trying to entice Porter to allow training wheel removal. Apparently, if Porter takes the training wheels off, Joe will sign him up for one of the little kid races and Porter will get a trophy (trophies are give to all small children). If that wasn't enough, we bought Dallin a bike yesterday. We have told him that when he learns to use petals, he can have a bike. He finally started using the petals on his big wheel so we went to Walmart and bought a bike and helmet. Unfortunately, Dallin apparently really doesn't know how to use petals because he just sits in the driveway on the bike, trying to propel it forward by pushing his body forward, while Porter yells at him to use the petals. He is excited to have a bike though. On Sunday, I caught him in the garage putting on Porter's bike helmet and trying to get onto Porter's bike. I told him that he would need a smaller bike because Porter's was too big. Dallin said, "not one for babies!" I told him "no," he just need one that was Dallin-sized. He accepted this and now has a Dallin-sized bike with Spiderman on it (which I think makes Porter jealous. It is funny that Porter's bike is so nice, way too nice for a four-year old in my opinion, and yet he wishes he had a cheap bike like Dallin's).
My search for a bike seems to have stalled. Joe found one that he would really like though and has decided that maybe he should give me his and get a new one for himself.
We bought Porter some new shoes yesterday because his are (a) falling apart because he is really hard on shoes and (b) too small. Porter loved the shoes. He kept talking about how cool they are and insisted that they sleep with him (both pairs).

worry wort

Porter is my little worrier. Every night, he can't go to bed because he "hears ghost noises" or it is too dark, or . . . you fill in the blank. He won't walk down the hall without the light on and he asks Dallin to go into the basement with him so he won't be scared. A little while ago, I was laying on their floor, reading a magazine, waiting for them to fall asleep. Porter the posited the question, "what if it was a t-rex reading on the floor instead of mom?" Porter said they would be scared. Dallin said he would fight the t-rex, "like this" and then started punching with both fists and kicking his feet. Porter told Dallin that the t-rex would be too strong. Dallin disagreed and said that he would "push him and fight him and punch him." Porter got angry at Dallin for not taking the threat seriously enough and told him again that Dallin wasn't strong enough to fight a big dinosaur and it would eat Dallin. Porter, according to himself, would wisely run away and probably cry.

training wheels

I am happy to report that the training wheels are back on Porter's bike. Joe put them back on when his parents were out visiting. Porter is still suspicious, even though they have been back on for a couple of weeks. Every time Joe and Porter go on a bike ride, Porter specifies before they leave that he will only go if the training wheels are on. Then he will ask several times before they leave if the training wheels are still on. The other day, Porter told us that he was saving his money to buy a "Batman motorcycle with a sideways car on it. Not the Batman motorcycle that [Dad] tried to talk [him] into to ride his bike without training wheels." It makes me laugh. I'm glad that Porter is back to bike riding though.

On a bike-related note, I agreed that I should get a bike to go on family bike rides. I am afraid that I will regret it. We went to look for bikes. I care that it (a) look pretty, (b) not cost too much, and (c) not make my butt sore. These criteria don't matter to Joe. He seems to think that I may start riding competitively and will need some kind of fancy bike. He even told me that I can't buy a bike based on how it looks. Ugh. I felt bad for the salesman and the mixed messages he received regarding what kind of bike I was looking for.

Dallin is becoming a very funny little boy. Sometimes it is unintentional. He makes really funny faces when he talks. I don't think he knows that his eyebrows are always waggling. He speaks so matter-of-factly about things that it makes me laugh. If you say, "who threw dirt on the floor?," Dallin will say, "I did," with his lips pursed and his eyebrows moving around. He fears missing out on something so much that you just have to whisper "Scooby Doo" to him while he is asleep and he will jolt awake and head out to the living room in case someone is watching Scooby Doo. At daycare, there is now a bunny. Dallin loves the bunny and asks to stay with the bunny instead of going to his class. He will tell me stories about the bunny drinking water and licking his fur that are apparently so hilarious that Dallin can't hardly finish them. He has ever started eating carrots by the handful to be like the bunny.

July

I know July is over, but it was an eventful time for us. Joe's family came to town for a family reunion on the 24th. It was great to see everyone. Unfortunately, I was too lazy to take any pictures. If anyone has any, I would be happy to see them. While Dallin continues to love Brett and Jacob with his whole heart, Porter discovered that there are other uncles to love. He has been asking when he will see Uncle Isaac again. After the family reunion, we went to Yellowstone. Before leaving, Porter and I were walking his fish over to the neighbor's house for babysitting. I told Porter we needed to get home before Ben and Emily left. He asked if they were coming to Yellowstone and I said "no." He responded, "oh crap." Then he asked if Isaac and Erin were coming and I said "no" again. He replied, "oh crap," again. Despite the absence of Ben and Isaac, Porter and Dallin had a good time in Yellowstone. Dallin thought he would see and pet tigers, but accepted the lack of tigers with good humor. Dallin also was glad to spend time with Michayla. I asked him if he liked playing with her and he said, "yeah. Her is nice. Her is my friend. I love her." It was very sweet. As an added bonus, Dallin now blames all of his messes, etc. on Michayla.

Here are the boys on a dirt mound at the bear and wolf museum. Dallin is still saving bread to feed the bears in case we go back.

This is the boys looking at a bear.

We went to watch Old Faithful. Porter and Dallin could have cared less. They found some sticks and fought with them instead.

Dallin and grammy looking at the lake.

Joe videotaping hot pots (I'm not sure why)

I love this picture of Dallin and Joe jumping around on the pathway around the lake.

Joe and Porter at one of the falls

Porter rock climbing

Dallin doing a "ta da" on the rocks

Dallin at the waterfall

Dallin loved these painted buffalos. I have several pictures of him patting different buffalo bums

On the way home, we stopped at a rest stop in Idaho. Porter and Dallin rolled and somersaulted down the hill over and over

When we got back from Yellowstone, Joe and I still had a couple of days off. On Thursday, we went to Wheeler Farm. This is Dallin feeding the ducks and geese

Porter at Wheeler Farm pretending to drive a tractor

On Friday, I took the boys to the dinosaur park in Ogden. It was one of the greatest places they have ever visited. Because of this, Dallin now poses for pictures by saying "cheese roar"

This is Porter and Dallin fighting over who was going to stick their head out of this hole first.

Finally, on the next Tuesday, we went to the airplane museum with my sister Megan and her kids. This is Porter, Dallin and Jack posing in front of a plane.

Dallin loves cousin Afton. He always wants to kiss and hug her.